What a day yesterday was. Needless to say, I didn't get everything finished I needed to. And today is shaping up to be the same kind of day. Appointments at 10:30, 1, 2:30, 6 and then karaoke tonight. Good thing I'm up early. It's a bad feeling when you wake up at 4:30 and your mind kicks in gear. There's no going back to sleep after that. So, time to get rolling...yessss....
So every Wednesday night is Bible study with the older people. There will end up being around 10 of us. Good time. We started in 1 John, which happens to be one of my favorite places to read. In chapter 1, we read, "This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth."
For a long time in my life, there was an area of self-centeredness that was causing me to walk in the darkness. So I read here that if I say I hav fellowship with God, I cannot walk in the darkness. In fact, I'm flat out lying if I try to say this. Which I was for quite some time. There are so many areas that if we were living consistently, we would be operating like a machine. All of the pieces working together. But when we quit trying in this area or that area, or we are hiding in this or that area, all areas suffer. My greatest weaknesses will overpower my greatest strengths everytime.
I want to practice the truth. I'm at peace when I practice the truth. Yet I can't hide if I'm practicing the truth. I can't pretend. I must live in the reality of life. The realities that I have been damaged. That I am afraid. That I am overwhelmed and that I need help. To quit playing Christian and live Christ-follower.
On a lighter note, anyone that looks me in the face and says that cats are smart, I beg to differ. Cats are dumb animals. I just watched my cat use the litter box. Then, as it began trying to cover up it's mess, this stupid animal is scratching the plastic side of the box. This dumb animal doesn't push the actual litter stuff on top of its mess. It scratches the side of the box. With its eyes closed. This cat stinks up my kitchen. Wakes us up in the morning by crying at our bedroom door. Sharpens its claws on our furniture and carpet. It gets outside multiple times a week, which causes my children much panic. I'm really kicking myself that I gave in to my kids to get this stupid animal.
On another lighter note, the fundraising process for our Chicago trip next year is still going strong. We're up to $1450 from candy sales, Change for Change and pop cans. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, keep bringing cans in. Just had a small load yesterday, but I've got a jump start on next week. And I've got people donating other scrap metal to help out. So, please keep them coming. Later, y'all!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Wednesday morning... So much to do, so little time to do it in!
So I've been up early all week. However, the day that I have the most to do, this is the day I choose to sleep it. That was a bad choice. Oh well, such is life.
On Monday night at Post Grad Campus Life, we had an awesome discussion about shame. How powerful the emotion of shame is in our lives. Think of things that you absolutely hate about yourself. How deep do those hates go? I think often times, they go to the depths of making us ashamed of ourselves. To feel ashamed of ourselves is such an awful emotion. Mainly because we can't get away from ourselves. If we face up to the truth, there's something about us that isn't perfect. That doesn't match up to others. Or, there are things in our past that we can't change that we've done. This I know. The more I try to avoid the truth, the deeper I will go into emotional hurt. And oftentimes, continue unhealthy behaviors.Yet if I face the truth, I'm facing my shame. There's no more avoiding it. Which is less painful, since neither is good? Well, it depends on whether I want to continue the negative behaviors. I either become addicted to my pain medications or I pull the roots out and do away with my shame.
How do I do this? Well, shame is the ultimate self-focus. So to move past it, is to put my focus on loving God and loving others. If I can do this, I start seeing myself with value because I am seeing myself as others see me and as God sees me. Normally, others don't see me as negatively as I see myself. And I know God doesn't view me as negatively as I see myself.
I'm thinking of the Prodigal Son parable. As the young man is walking home after taking his inheritance from his father and blowing all of it, all that his father had worked for to present to his children when he died, I can't imagine the shame he was feeling. Then to stand before his father and have his father look him in his face. When we're ashamed of ourselves, it's hard to look someone in the face. Particularly when we have hurt someone we love greatly. I absolutely believe that's why God came to us in the person of Jesus. We weren't going to go to Him in our shame. So He comes to us in our shame offering us His love back. Amazing. Don't let your shame keep pushing you away from God and His love for you. His love overcomes our shame.
On Monday night at Post Grad Campus Life, we had an awesome discussion about shame. How powerful the emotion of shame is in our lives. Think of things that you absolutely hate about yourself. How deep do those hates go? I think often times, they go to the depths of making us ashamed of ourselves. To feel ashamed of ourselves is such an awful emotion. Mainly because we can't get away from ourselves. If we face up to the truth, there's something about us that isn't perfect. That doesn't match up to others. Or, there are things in our past that we can't change that we've done. This I know. The more I try to avoid the truth, the deeper I will go into emotional hurt. And oftentimes, continue unhealthy behaviors.Yet if I face the truth, I'm facing my shame. There's no more avoiding it. Which is less painful, since neither is good? Well, it depends on whether I want to continue the negative behaviors. I either become addicted to my pain medications or I pull the roots out and do away with my shame.
How do I do this? Well, shame is the ultimate self-focus. So to move past it, is to put my focus on loving God and loving others. If I can do this, I start seeing myself with value because I am seeing myself as others see me and as God sees me. Normally, others don't see me as negatively as I see myself. And I know God doesn't view me as negatively as I see myself.
I'm thinking of the Prodigal Son parable. As the young man is walking home after taking his inheritance from his father and blowing all of it, all that his father had worked for to present to his children when he died, I can't imagine the shame he was feeling. Then to stand before his father and have his father look him in his face. When we're ashamed of ourselves, it's hard to look someone in the face. Particularly when we have hurt someone we love greatly. I absolutely believe that's why God came to us in the person of Jesus. We weren't going to go to Him in our shame. So He comes to us in our shame offering us His love back. Amazing. Don't let your shame keep pushing you away from God and His love for you. His love overcomes our shame.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Relaxing at Panera on a Tuesday morning...
So I'm sitting here at Panera just relaxing after a great night of Campus Life. At least I enjoyed it. I'm listening to a cd that was left on my desk. Over these last couple weeks, I've had a Mr. G's blue raspberry slush, a Snickers bar and this sweet cd left for me by a wonderfully loving anonymous person. I'm going to begin calling you friend. Thank you, friend, for your generosity.
For several months now, I've been living in some very entrenched self-centeredness. It's turned me very numb. Very emotionally dead. Very little feeling. Very much hiding. God has been leading me out of this state of sinful isolation. As He's done this the last couple days especially, I've been an emotional basket case. I'm listening to the cd that my friend made me and the second track on it is very emotional. Not Hawk Nelson emotional (wink wink), but meaningful emotional. I had to skip the rest of the song because I'm bawling at my table in Panera. It's like all these emotions have been bottled up for months and months. Now the doors are being opened and they are beginning to spill.
So many difficult events happen in our lives. Often they are events that we bring on ourselves because we don't want to handle things the way God wants us to. After everyone left last night, Megan got a call that she lost a friend of hers. Please keep her in your prayers the next couple days. Much sadness. Sometimes while I'm out driving, I look around and wonder what's going on in the lives of those folks I'm driving past. I started doing this 3-4 years ago when Jeni and I were driving back and forth between our home and the hospital when Kaela was in with her tumor. I wondered how many other moms and dads were driving from their home to the hospital to sit with their child who had cancer. Or was in some kind of accident. When we don't deal with the sadness and frustrations in life, they kind of function like blisters. In July, we spent a week with my parents in Wooster. I spent 5-6 hours over a couple days cutting firewood. Much of that time was swinging my splitter. I got a couple blisters on my hands. The blisters really hurt for awhile. However, if I keep rubbing the blister over and over, it gets hard and callouses over. If I let it rest, it will heal and soften back up. Our hearts do this too. If we don't get healing from the things that hurt us, our hearts will callous. Our emotions get stopped up and our eyes turn inward. Self-focus and self-centeredness takes over. The longer we stay like that, the more we choose to quiet the voices that are calling for us to do something. To get healing. So many medications. So many more self-inflicted hurts that weren't necessary if we would just work through the pain.
Isaiah the prophet said, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
I'm understanding more what this passage means. I grow weary and tired when I operate in my own strength. But if I truly wait on Jesus, my strength will be renewed. It takes awhile for my roots to grow deep into God's soil and really suck out His power. But once I do, mmmmmmhmmmmmm....
For several months now, I've been living in some very entrenched self-centeredness. It's turned me very numb. Very emotionally dead. Very little feeling. Very much hiding. God has been leading me out of this state of sinful isolation. As He's done this the last couple days especially, I've been an emotional basket case. I'm listening to the cd that my friend made me and the second track on it is very emotional. Not Hawk Nelson emotional (wink wink), but meaningful emotional. I had to skip the rest of the song because I'm bawling at my table in Panera. It's like all these emotions have been bottled up for months and months. Now the doors are being opened and they are beginning to spill.
So many difficult events happen in our lives. Often they are events that we bring on ourselves because we don't want to handle things the way God wants us to. After everyone left last night, Megan got a call that she lost a friend of hers. Please keep her in your prayers the next couple days. Much sadness. Sometimes while I'm out driving, I look around and wonder what's going on in the lives of those folks I'm driving past. I started doing this 3-4 years ago when Jeni and I were driving back and forth between our home and the hospital when Kaela was in with her tumor. I wondered how many other moms and dads were driving from their home to the hospital to sit with their child who had cancer. Or was in some kind of accident. When we don't deal with the sadness and frustrations in life, they kind of function like blisters. In July, we spent a week with my parents in Wooster. I spent 5-6 hours over a couple days cutting firewood. Much of that time was swinging my splitter. I got a couple blisters on my hands. The blisters really hurt for awhile. However, if I keep rubbing the blister over and over, it gets hard and callouses over. If I let it rest, it will heal and soften back up. Our hearts do this too. If we don't get healing from the things that hurt us, our hearts will callous. Our emotions get stopped up and our eyes turn inward. Self-focus and self-centeredness takes over. The longer we stay like that, the more we choose to quiet the voices that are calling for us to do something. To get healing. So many medications. So many more self-inflicted hurts that weren't necessary if we would just work through the pain.
Isaiah the prophet said, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
I'm understanding more what this passage means. I grow weary and tired when I operate in my own strength. But if I truly wait on Jesus, my strength will be renewed. It takes awhile for my roots to grow deep into God's soil and really suck out His power. But once I do, mmmmmmhmmmmmm....
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Hot Tuesday night at the Franks' Pad....
I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. Our room gets really hot when it's been toasty outside. Jeni's all snuggled up under the covers and it's 75-80 degrees back here. I don't get it. So I sleep on the couch in front of the air conditioner.
So I just finished watching the Republican National Convention. I've begun taking more interest in world events and political things. It was very interesting. A former congressman named Joseph Lieberman was the keynote speaker tonight. Lieberman is a lifelong Democrat, only just recently has switched to an Independent. He talked about why he was breaking ranks to lobby for a Republican to win the White House. He said he wants to see things get done. Now, I didn't see the Democratic National Convention, so I don't know what the mood was. The mood at the RNC was one of optimism. Of service to country. Self sacrifice. Put the country before your own self interest. Lieberman echoed those sentiments.
People get excited when they have a strong cause to rally behind. Something to get involved with. I believe our world is so void of good, righteous causes. So many live in the swamps of self-serving motives. How sad it is for our world. And we are suffering for our self-serving attitudes.
So I've been thinking about something. We now have $1150 in our account to send people to Chicago. That doesn't count the can depost which will happen tomorrow. We'll add another $40 or so. After this trip is over, what if we were to continue collecting cans and change and we choose to put that to building wells to provide fresh water to villages in African nations that are ravaged with drought and AIDS. It only costs $1500 to dig a well. We're almost to the point where, just by collecting change and turning in pop and beer cans, we could sponsor the digging of a well to provide clean drinking water to an African village. We've raised almost $1200 in four months. Doing that math, that's $300 a month. Know how much it costs to sponsor a child? Yep, about $30 a month. That means at this clip, we could be sponsoring 10 children around the world a month. On what? Recycling aluminum cans and the change people use for coffee or Pepsi. I'm just now beginning to wrap my mind around this. For the money we're raising in people's aluminum cans and change they don't really want to carry around, we could be providing clean water. Which we just go to our faucets for.
Or let's keep things closer to home. What if there were 20 people doing what I'm doing to get cans. Promoting it among those they know. Getting others to respond. What could we do? What if 10 people cared enough to bring in $300 a month in pop cans? Could we do something like the Extreme Home Makeover and find people in our own community that are living in awful homes? Could we begin after school programs to build into our own Holland/Springfield children. Preparing them for futures in college? Providing scholarships for underprivileged students? Shoot, one of our church members is asking her place of business, which has two branches, to put garbage cans out next to their pop machines and give the cans to us. Could we fund other Youth for Christ chapters to open up in other schools?
I'm particularly fond of an after school program where churches could work together to help tutor children in our community. From there, we begin investing also in the lives of parents who have significant needs. Teach families how to be strong, values based families. Teach them how to handle money. Hold down a job. Train in basic job skills. Geesh! What a vision! This transforms our community!
So I just finished watching the Republican National Convention. I've begun taking more interest in world events and political things. It was very interesting. A former congressman named Joseph Lieberman was the keynote speaker tonight. Lieberman is a lifelong Democrat, only just recently has switched to an Independent. He talked about why he was breaking ranks to lobby for a Republican to win the White House. He said he wants to see things get done. Now, I didn't see the Democratic National Convention, so I don't know what the mood was. The mood at the RNC was one of optimism. Of service to country. Self sacrifice. Put the country before your own self interest. Lieberman echoed those sentiments.
People get excited when they have a strong cause to rally behind. Something to get involved with. I believe our world is so void of good, righteous causes. So many live in the swamps of self-serving motives. How sad it is for our world. And we are suffering for our self-serving attitudes.
So I've been thinking about something. We now have $1150 in our account to send people to Chicago. That doesn't count the can depost which will happen tomorrow. We'll add another $40 or so. After this trip is over, what if we were to continue collecting cans and change and we choose to put that to building wells to provide fresh water to villages in African nations that are ravaged with drought and AIDS. It only costs $1500 to dig a well. We're almost to the point where, just by collecting change and turning in pop and beer cans, we could sponsor the digging of a well to provide clean drinking water to an African village. We've raised almost $1200 in four months. Doing that math, that's $300 a month. Know how much it costs to sponsor a child? Yep, about $30 a month. That means at this clip, we could be sponsoring 10 children around the world a month. On what? Recycling aluminum cans and the change people use for coffee or Pepsi. I'm just now beginning to wrap my mind around this. For the money we're raising in people's aluminum cans and change they don't really want to carry around, we could be providing clean water. Which we just go to our faucets for.
Or let's keep things closer to home. What if there were 20 people doing what I'm doing to get cans. Promoting it among those they know. Getting others to respond. What could we do? What if 10 people cared enough to bring in $300 a month in pop cans? Could we do something like the Extreme Home Makeover and find people in our own community that are living in awful homes? Could we begin after school programs to build into our own Holland/Springfield children. Preparing them for futures in college? Providing scholarships for underprivileged students? Shoot, one of our church members is asking her place of business, which has two branches, to put garbage cans out next to their pop machines and give the cans to us. Could we fund other Youth for Christ chapters to open up in other schools?
I'm particularly fond of an after school program where churches could work together to help tutor children in our community. From there, we begin investing also in the lives of parents who have significant needs. Teach families how to be strong, values based families. Teach them how to handle money. Hold down a job. Train in basic job skills. Geesh! What a vision! This transforms our community!
Monday, September 1, 2008
So I spent today hanging out with my kids and doing stuff around the house. The day climaxed with a trip to Wal Mart and the purchasing of a shelf for my much maligned work area. My work area consists of a little Wal Mart wooden tray, a small bookshelf, a lamp, two Rubbermaid file boxes, and a trash can. And now a shelf that I keep the video camera, camera, all of our cords, coin rolls, calculator and guitar picks. Oh, and a screw that I put in the wall that I hang the mp3 player and my headphones on. So you haters of my work area can to take a long walk off of a short pier. I'll bet your homework areas are a disaster!
As I was saying, I put this shelf up. Which entailed getting the drill out and finding the studs to put the screws in. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. So as I'm looking around for things to put on my shelf, I realized that, I'm going to need another shelf. (This is not a devotional thought on having too much stuff. So don't try to read in to where I'm heading....) So much of our stuff just sits around because we have no room to store things. So as I saw the opportunities of putting things on my shelves, I began to get excited. Why? I was solving the problem of our family's disorganization. And instead of getting angry with Jeni or the kids because I've misplaced this or that cord, now I have a place to put them. And I just had a thought. If I get a second shelf, I can stretch my speakers up high and create surround sound in my little office area. Oh, the possibilities in a 6'x6' area! Haters, see the above suggestion in reaction to your opinions.
So as I'm putting stuff on my new shelf (and pondering the wonders and possibilities of a second shelf), I begin thinking of the problems in our area. So many to name. This morning alone, as Jeni and I were walking and picking up cans on Hill between Layer and McCord, we found a syringe and several beer cans. Seems that the drinks of choice for Holland/Springfield drivers are Bud Light and Natural Light. I think the world becomes like our home sometimes. Our home tends to get cluttered with stuff. There's just so little storage space. I have certain ideas on how to keep the place clean, Jeni has an idea and the kids just don't care. So often times, we kind of do our own things. Our world is in such a state of disaster. So many problems. We look at the mess and I think the enemy then whispers in our ears that it's just hopeless. It's just too big. We can't fix this.
Yet, if we look at our section of the world as a room, all we need is a vision of what to do and the people to get busy, what we couldn't accomplish! We have so many churches in Holland. And so few are working together. While the churches are in the room with the clutter, I think they are a part of the clutter. Why? Jesus said, "If you're not with me, you're against me." Jesus wants His room that we've messed up, cleaned up. And He's not going to clean it up for us.
In church on Sunday, I was announcing to everyone about how fundraising for the mission trip is coming. Btw, we now have more than $1000 in the bank. One person has actually given me money as a deposit to go. That is $1000 brought in through cans and the change for change deal at church and the candy sales. $50 has been already knocked off of the price to be paid by everyone. So, as I was announcing this, a newer lady in our church raised her hand. I thought that was odd. Her question was, why are we going to Chicago to do some work when we have such problems in Toledo. Great question. We're going so that we will know how to do something in Toledo! If we're not willing to start putting things on shelves and cleaning up God's room, things will never get better.
How are you doing? Are you cleaning your own house? Which, in turns, cleans God's house because one more person is not only NOT messing up the room more, they are cleaning up theirs and others' mess. I'm listening to some Dido stuff tonight. She does a song called Slide. I think it was on the Smallville show. Good song. It basically talks about the things that function as distractions to us. Boyfriends or Girlfriends. Anger. Pride. Frustration. Lust. Past decisions. All of these things distract us and take our eyes off of God and cause us to slide away from Him. We've got to decide to turn completely to Him and quit sliding. More coming soon....
As I was saying, I put this shelf up. Which entailed getting the drill out and finding the studs to put the screws in. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. So as I'm looking around for things to put on my shelf, I realized that, I'm going to need another shelf. (This is not a devotional thought on having too much stuff. So don't try to read in to where I'm heading....) So much of our stuff just sits around because we have no room to store things. So as I saw the opportunities of putting things on my shelves, I began to get excited. Why? I was solving the problem of our family's disorganization. And instead of getting angry with Jeni or the kids because I've misplaced this or that cord, now I have a place to put them. And I just had a thought. If I get a second shelf, I can stretch my speakers up high and create surround sound in my little office area. Oh, the possibilities in a 6'x6' area! Haters, see the above suggestion in reaction to your opinions.
So as I'm putting stuff on my new shelf (and pondering the wonders and possibilities of a second shelf), I begin thinking of the problems in our area. So many to name. This morning alone, as Jeni and I were walking and picking up cans on Hill between Layer and McCord, we found a syringe and several beer cans. Seems that the drinks of choice for Holland/Springfield drivers are Bud Light and Natural Light. I think the world becomes like our home sometimes. Our home tends to get cluttered with stuff. There's just so little storage space. I have certain ideas on how to keep the place clean, Jeni has an idea and the kids just don't care. So often times, we kind of do our own things. Our world is in such a state of disaster. So many problems. We look at the mess and I think the enemy then whispers in our ears that it's just hopeless. It's just too big. We can't fix this.
Yet, if we look at our section of the world as a room, all we need is a vision of what to do and the people to get busy, what we couldn't accomplish! We have so many churches in Holland. And so few are working together. While the churches are in the room with the clutter, I think they are a part of the clutter. Why? Jesus said, "If you're not with me, you're against me." Jesus wants His room that we've messed up, cleaned up. And He's not going to clean it up for us.
In church on Sunday, I was announcing to everyone about how fundraising for the mission trip is coming. Btw, we now have more than $1000 in the bank. One person has actually given me money as a deposit to go. That is $1000 brought in through cans and the change for change deal at church and the candy sales. $50 has been already knocked off of the price to be paid by everyone. So, as I was announcing this, a newer lady in our church raised her hand. I thought that was odd. Her question was, why are we going to Chicago to do some work when we have such problems in Toledo. Great question. We're going so that we will know how to do something in Toledo! If we're not willing to start putting things on shelves and cleaning up God's room, things will never get better.
How are you doing? Are you cleaning your own house? Which, in turns, cleans God's house because one more person is not only NOT messing up the room more, they are cleaning up theirs and others' mess. I'm listening to some Dido stuff tonight. She does a song called Slide. I think it was on the Smallville show. Good song. It basically talks about the things that function as distractions to us. Boyfriends or Girlfriends. Anger. Pride. Frustration. Lust. Past decisions. All of these things distract us and take our eyes off of God and cause us to slide away from Him. We've got to decide to turn completely to Him and quit sliding. More coming soon....
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